I'm sorry my penis didn't work
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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