I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
