How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
