first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can text with my tongue
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
