so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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