can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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