he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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