she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did I show you my penis last night?
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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