I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
