So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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