It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
