sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
