piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
