the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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