I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
