Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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