Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Boobs are out for the taking
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
