sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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