Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
