Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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