Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
