and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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