She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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