Me too!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
