You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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