i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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