I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Even my vagina gasped.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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