A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
