so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
