we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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