i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
