It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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