He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
