The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
