UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
