um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
