Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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