I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
