apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
