Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
