discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
