What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
