I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
