Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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