i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
