Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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