Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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