shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
