Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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