TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
