I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
