peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
