not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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