WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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