Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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