Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
