She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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