Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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