margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's official drugs can't kill me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
