RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
