It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We got so high we made milksteak
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
