So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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