so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
