i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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