the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
