is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
