You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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