I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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