The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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