Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
