Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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